La Última Parte: Commitment Push

Salaamu Äleykumu warahmatullahi wabarakaatuhu,

Deeply sorry. I always make you wait longer than I predict, always promise you a sooner post and I break my promise ~~ Anyway no reproaches this time ~~ Here is La Última Parte de mí commitment --

The push to commitment was something basically different. It was not a friend, nor a singing competition, nor even the holy book. Actually, I’m right a human being with a very weak immune system so I often fall sick. I’d had a terrible psychic illness. I had undergone an aphony of 13 days. It was not the first time, perhaps the fifth. But it was the first time that it lasted that long. 13 days without a single word out, 13 days with a paper and a pen carried out, 13 days with my head dug into my shoulders, 13 days running through a speech therapy.. !

But this speech therapy didn't stop at 13 ~ I wished it had stopped right there ~ I had to go through many physical exercices.. For sure that I had to take some medicine and it has always been the same tablets. But this time -like no other- it went diffrently!

I refused to take any more medicine, I was obliged anyway to attend the speech therapy sessions though. They were paying loads of money on that, hoping that it would bring my voice back. I remember very well my so first session. It was terrible. The therapist asked me to pronounce some letters on a microphone linked to a software. I did but it was horrible, no sound came out for sure. And the so weird thing, the magnectic spectrum of the software has only detected the air, the spectrum has not reached the level of a vocal sound. I was amazed and so was the orthophonist. I couldn't help myself crying and I bursted out in front of the therapist. I have been consoled but that couldn't help much. Was a cold comfort.

I started bi fadlin min rabbi -within Allah's help- performing night prayer. And then I would stay a long time supplicating to Allah and crying so that I wouldn't be dumb all my lifetime. Subhana'Allah once I'm in, I felt great spiritualities while prostrating and to my surprise I could stay a longer time laying my head on the ground, thing that I was not used to.

I felt it was the first time I ever prayed. I felt a great peace coming withing myself. Praise and glory be to Allah, I just felt then what submitting to the Owner of Dunya and Âkhira means :) And yet not living aimlessly as I used to before. As Allah s.w.t. says in Sûrah Al-mu'minûn: "Afahasibtum annama khalaqnâkum äbathan wa annakum ilayna lâ turja'üun" which would mean in English "Did you then think that We had created you in jest, and that you would not be brought back to Us (for account)?" Indeed, we certainly would.

One of us, once he is into Islam commitment, would understand the true meaning of Lâ ilâha illa llah, the true meaning of this dunya, as a way, as a bridge to the Âkhira. But this bridge has to be well built with massive pillars and bricks, not willy-nilly, but for the sake of the One God!

Back to me, all praise due to Allah, I didn't cut off performing night prayer. And then I felt that I was getting over. I started having a vocal loss which is less serious than an aphony. Day by day within supplicating to Allah, I felt fine. The more closer I got to the All-Mighty, the happier and the healthier I was. After few days, I guess the seventieth day I got my voice back hamdanlillah. Although, as everytime I lose my voice and have it back again, I don't get over it all at once.. I often have troubles speaking and spend many days talking slowly and softly later on.. Sometimes articulating.

Verily, I learnt many things from this traumatic experience. I learnt that the one of us wouldn't feel the blessing Allah granted him until he loses it. And so did I, I didn't feel the blessing of speaking till the time I lost completely my voice and felt awfully bad seeing myself dumb among other people talking. I learnt that I know nothing about my deen and headed forward to learn every single thing about it. I learnt that the key to success is itself the key to Jannah. I learnt that the welfare, the paradise itself- cannot be won with easiness. One has to struggle to reach it.

As our Beloved Prophet Muhammad salla Allahu älayhi wa sallam didn't encounter spreading roads full of flowers and jasmine in the way of his da'wa, but people throwing stones, making labels and firing back, we have to be patient as he was and follow his steps in each move he had once made :)

Into such circumstances, Allah didn’t order his prophet to fight against them calling them names or so on as they did but to.. You’ll discover that in the following verses of Sûrah Al-Muzzammil:

Bismillahi ‘rahmâni 'rahîm () Yâ ayyuha lmuzzammil (1) Qumi ‘llayla illa qalila (2) Nisfahu awinquss minhu qalila (3) Aw zid älayhi wa rattili lqur’âna tartîla (4) Inna sanulqi älayka qawlan thaqîla (5) Inna nâshi’ata ‘llayli hiya ashaddu wat’an wa aqwamu qîla (6) Inna laka fi ‘nahari sabhan tawîla (7) Wa thkuri smarabbika wa tabattal ilayhi tabtîla (8) Rabbu lmashriqi wal maghribi lâ ilâha illa huwa fattakhidhu wakîla (9) Wa sbir äla mâ yaqûlûna wa hjurhum hajran jamîla (10) Wa dharni wal mukadhibîna ûli ‘ni’ïmati wa mahhilhum qalîla (11)

Which would mean in English: In the name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful () O thou folded in garments (1) Stand to prayer by night, but not all night (2) Half of it, or a little less (3) Or a little more, and recite the qur’aan in slow, measured rhythmic tones (4) Soon shall we send down to thee a weighty message (5) Truly the rising by night is most potent for governing the soul, and most suitable for framing the word of prayer and praise (6) True there is for thee by day prolonged occupation with ordinary duties (7) But keep in remembrance the name of thy Lord and devote thyself to Him whole-heartedly (8) Lord of the East and the West: there is no god but He: take Him therefore for disposer of Affairs (9) And have patience with what they say, and leave them with noble dignity (10) And leave Me alone to deal with those in possession of the good things n life, who yet deny the truth; and bear with them for a little while (11)

And alhamdulillah so have I done, but without knowing these verses; Subhana´Allah that was a true guidance from Al-Hâdi. And since then, I never cut off qiyâmulayl and started digging deep into my deen and got myself engaged into Islam commitment, glory be to Allah :) This is the end of the push. But as you know, everyone who walks on this path, has to go through various trials and tests. I'm in and I'm overcoming all of that. Because that's how a person can get accepted by Allah s.w.t.

May Allah have mercy on us for Him the Merciful, grant us the pardon of all our sins, grant us Jannatulfirdauss and enroll us among the righteous people in the Doom's Day. Ameen.